How to know if you have chosen your partner well for a lasting relationship

How to know if you have chosen your partner well for a lasting relationship

There has been a lot of talk about half oranges and the “ideal” person for each one, but at the moment of truth it seems that choosing our partner for life is an arduous task, which in almost 50% of cases ends in total failure.

In the field of psychology the most important characteristics have been established to achieve sentimental stability and fullness in love, do you want to know what they are?

The 11 characteristics for emotional stability

1. Someone who has similar values ​​to yours

Choose someone with similar values ​​greatly decreases the frictions in the relationship, especially when we intend it to be durable over time. It is important, before taking the big step, to talk about priorities in terms of having children, the role they will have in the future family, beliefs about money and religion, etc. Obviously, it is impossible to always agree on everything, but it is important to reach certain consensus, especially at the beginning of the relationship, so keep this in mind. This tuning must also occur in other aspects of coexistence, and when agreements usually occur at practical levels, it is easier to occur at other more subtle levels.

2. Someone who knows how to laugh at himself

Having a sense of humor, being able to laugh at a situation when something is compromised, or of oneself if we are wrong, for example, is very important. But if for whatever reason you don't have a very funny partner, choose someone who can stop an argument and learn to laugh at the situation, but you may end up in a discussion loop that will be difficult to stop at any given time.

3. Someone with inner beauty

It seems simple, but this is something very difficult to achieve, at least the first few times. Close your eyes and see what you can feel of that person, his kindness, his loyalty, his understanding, his devotion, his ability to take care of you, his ability to take care of himself as an independent being. In our culture we rely heavily on what we see with our eyes, but we all know that in the long run the inner value is much more important than the outer beauty.

4. Someone who wants to learn day by day

If there is something that truly makes a difference between a lifelong partner and a fleeting lover, it is someone who has the ability to learn. There is a saying that says “the ignorant is little tolerant" Those who cannot learn new things, see things from another perspective, be curious about the world and how things or people work, often close and understand each other's vision. For a long term relationship It is better to be with someone who opens, learns and above all, evolves with circumstances.

5. Someone who has strength and sensitivity at the same time

But no let's confuse strength with rigidity and sensitivity with fragility. As for strength, we mean the sense of being "strong like a tree": strong winds can blow but it will hold because it is flexible and will move back and forth with the wind. And when it comes to sensitivity, we mean being open and capturing the things that are around us. Some people may need a little help in this regard, but often in one of their hearts, they are already awake and alert to all these things, although they do not know how to manage it. For this reason the previous point is so important: the ability to learn. You may have the potential to be kind, generous, tolerant or the best known lover, but if you cannot learn to develop that potential, then it is of no use.

6. Someone who, in addition to your lover, is your best friend

By this we mean that you are able to tell him everything you would tell your best friend, you have full confidence in him or her and it is also reciprocal. Would you do for your partner what you are willing to do for your best friend? Are you willing to listen to him, to talk about the things he wants to talk about, to pay attention to the details of what he says or wants to do? This does not mean that you have to be always taking care of him, as if he were a child, but that there is mutual trust and complicity as best friends.

7. Someone who has a full inner life

Being with someone who is passionate about something, be it your work, crafts, learn, meditate (we don't mean watching football or the soap opera), but something creative that makes you grow inside. Choose a person who knows how to enjoy the things of life and see you as a companion along the way, a travel companion. The ability to be completely with the other and at the same time entirely separate, is very important. Relationships are cyclical and there are times to be very close to each other, and other times to depart.

8. Someone who has similar passions to yours in life

A relationship builds a joint story. This story, the shared, is the "glue" that unites the relationship. Over time memories are built and with them the pleasure of remembering good times together, but also hard times. If there is nothing to truly enjoy together, it is very difficult to spend these times tomorrow with the other. Even if each one can be very different from the other and do very different things, there has to be something, something as simple as resting together in the sun, or turning the apple every night, or anything of these very simple that is done in couple and reaffirm the marital ties.

9. Someone who, when you smell it, feels pain and shows it to you. And vice versa ... that when it hurts you, see your pain and understand it

This is one of the most important points, because it shows empathy for the emotions of the other and intimate understanding. There are many ways in which people show pain, but when you know someone intimately, you know their way of showing it. The worst thing that can happen to you is that when you do something to your partner that is not kind, or that is inappropriate and he shows no reaction. As if he didn't allow himself to be truly human in your presence. We go through many relationships or a few, before finding someone with whom we would like to spend our lives. We felt the wounds in so many relationships that began with great hopes but ended badly, without a future. On the other hand, you will meet another who has also been disappointed, who is also hurt in some way. As a result of this is that the your partner's ability to show his pain is as important as his ability to perceive your pain. And this is of the utmost importance, because by nature of the relations there are moments of tension in which we press or do something that hurts the other, and this cannot be forgotten without more, because otherwise we will open the same wound again and again. We are responsible for learning from our mistakes. Someone may have accumulated anger and suffering, wounds from previous lovers, and thus acquired the ability to hurt the new lover, but he must be able to stop, stop when he sees pain in the other person, one must know how to get in The place of the other.

10. Someone who is in tune with you

Especially if you are an impulsive person, if you have a partner who is not as impulsive as you, you will find a certain slowness that will be positive for you. Also you, by your side, will have the opportunity to “speed it up” a bit. And after a while you can find your own rhythm within the relationship. Sometimes people have to be eight or nine years old until they have this fully developed rhythm. It takes time to build a true harmony, which is achieved if there is a deep love guide.

11. Someone to whom you can tolerate their failures and particularities

In moments of tension and tiredness, the things that would attract you most from a partner, the most charming things, will be the ones that later take you out before you quicio. There are some things that are intolerable in any relationship, but there are others that are only about the characteristics of each person's character and prior learning. It is clear that a person who does not tell the truth, who lies, cheats, does moral or physical harm, is not worth it to you. All that would be to build a relationship in an unsafe terrain. But try to see things in perspective, then you will know they are not only peculiarities, or there is something deeper with what you are not capable of, or it would even be sickly or harmful to continue living together. There you will have the answer.

I hope these tips help you and somehow guide you. You will never find the perfect recipe for love, but laying certain foundations will make it easier for your relationship to be long and lasting.

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